A little down, a little up back again !

I guess it's totally acceptable to feel down from time to time, although to be honest I have problems coping with this idea, as if there's someone to know the real reasons for feeling bad, that should be me.

We have all bore our crosses, for some they have been lighter than for others, but painful in their own right upon the person's experience scale. I've felt really shitty, for legitimate reasons, those being having undertaken chemo, going through hair loss, and so on, among many others. I don't mean to sound depressing, but to me those were reeeeal reasons for feeling bad, and not wanting to even wake up in the morning. So after having lived those experiences, it's no wonder that whenever somebody tells me that they feel bad because I don't know... they need money to get a pair of boobs, that they won't go to the beach because they're fat, or they are sad because they are bored to be inside the house because of the rain!@%#^, it gets me thinking "come on! Those are no reasons to be sad!!!"

All those are things you can do something about, but health, that's the only thing you have no control over, or at least only to at some extent. But then again, you cannot be so hard on yourself and people just because you went to a very rough period in life! You and the others have the right to feel shitty for whatever they want !

So, here I am, among the "silly" ones, complaining about whatever there is to complain: the rain, about being here bored, tired of this routine...and I'm not only feeling tired of this loop I'm living in, I feel guilty for feeling this way. Because in the end, I do like my life a lot, and have no complain about being at home raising my great baby, whose by the by, just made the most beautiful sound this very second!, so as I was saying, the only thing I'm sort of complaining about is how much I would like to have a door to do things for myself too.

Like going out in the evenings, to a movie, a drink...whatever. Not all the time, but I would like to have that freedom, I'm a mother (thank God!!) I know, but also a woman, and sometimes this woman inside me, cries out, and wants to get loose, to get dressed, put some makeup on, and hit the road !

Anyways, I'll blame it on the rain (like Mini Vanilly's song), it's all its fault! Let's blame Belgium LOL !!! That's my favorite culprit for just about everything !! jajaja It's not easy being alone in a foreign country I guess...

I'll be fine tomorrow, actually now, after having already vent a bit in here, I just looked to my right hand side, and what do I see? The most beautiful thing God, life could have given me!!! An amazing baby, who makes everything worth it, and daily gives me the best feeling in the world, the greatest reason to wake up in the mornings, and makes me want to get to a hundred years old to see him grow and become a great men (hopefully), and me there helping him in every way I can...all along the way !

"Meme"

According to memetic theory, a meme (IPA: /me:me/, IPA: /me:m/ or IPA: /mi:m/) — a unit of cultural information, cultural evolution or diffusion — propagates from one mind to another analogously to the way in which a gene propagates from one organism to another as a unit of genetic information and of biological evolution. So with memes, some ideas will propagate less successfully and become extinct, while others will survive, spread, and, for better or for worse, mutate.

Sera que de aqui viene la palabra "meme"? Mi amiga Maie me envio esto para que lo llenara y supongo que puede tener algo que ver con lo de pasar ideas o en este caso encuestas de blog en blog...bueno sin mas a que hacer referencia a responder las preguntas:

1-Olores y sabores que me recuerdan mi infancia:
Sabores los helados de Efe "Morochos" de limonada y uvita y el bom bon, de fresa, chocolate y leche condensada. Olores no recuerdo ahora mismo ninguno en especial.

2- Personaje favorito de historieta o cuento que hubiese querido ser:
Me encantaba Lalabel la niña de las flores (que galla)jejeje y Punky Brewster, pensar que una vez hasta me amarre un pañuelo en la rodilla sobre los jeanes como ella lo hacia !!

3- Que animal quisiera ser?
Un ave quizas? No me lo he pensado...

4- Maña o manía que conservas desde la infancia
No tendria por donde empezar jejejeje soy una confesada OC, asi que mañas tengo para regalar !!! Pero una en particular, levantarme la punta de la nariz, sera que creo que asi me la voy a arreglar? jejejeje


5-Si volviera a la adolescencia que cambiaria
No haber sido tan galla la verdad, saber defenderme mas de los verdaremente gallos que se metieron conmigo en el colegio buhhh =S jejeje

6- Como imaginabas tu vida cuando niño?

Como ahora, casada con hijos.

7- Alguna vez se te ha escapado un sueño?
Si muchisimos, por falta de constancia y enfoque en realidad.

y...8- Como te gustaría que te recordaran tus hijos?
Como su mejor amiga, un ser abierto, sin tabues, con tremenda personalidad e idea bien formadas que no se convencia asi no mas en lo que le dijeran los demas. Como un ser que dedico todo su amor a ellos y su padre, y que hizo todo lo que pudo por dar lo mejor de ella. Sera mucho pedir??? =))

Worst Blogger Ever !

It's official, I'm the worst blogger ever. People who commit to this, they try to post entries -at least- once a week, which was my ideal at the beginning, but it's been so long since I last wrote something that I didn't even remember where the "New Post" field was located in the screen, how much does that say?!

I could blame it on bad organization, wrong or right set of priorities, having a baby doesn't hurt to lack of time either, but first and foremost I guess my obsessive compulsiveness is the main culprit for my lack of time.

Granted, my mind is just not at ease when things are all over the place at home, or my kitchen and bathroom are anywhere near dirty. If I were just a "normal" person, leading a "normal" life, where a little bit of mess was allowed, I had all the time in the world not only to write in my blog, but to do other thousand things...well not a thousand, but I am now willing to admit I could be much more efficient at managing my time. While I wait to go to a shrink, I'll do my best to repeat to myself "it's OK to be a bit messy and no so crazily positioning things around the house".

People not suffering from this, might be quick in judging and ruling this as simple madness, well in all honesty I don't feel that far from defining it at such myself, but it's hard to fight with your own brain!

Well I could go on and on about this subject, but I don't feel particularly inspired in telling about my OC's (obsessive compulsiveness) quirks, nor I think they are any relevant in today's post.

Where there's a will there's a way, so I'll start to lighten my life up a bit by hiring some very needed help around the house, at least to do those things my poor and weakened lower back cannot. I'm hoping that that and some serious change in behavior form my part towards cleanliness, will open for a door where I can sit down while my baby sleeps and put some ideas together.

Just right now I must hurry and prepare dinner...so much for changing, right? LOL !!

I need to catch up !!!

My poor mind needs to drain so many accumulated thoughts !! But, apparently I'm not that good at organizing my time, or lack of, I get no free time, and the little I have is not like I can just start my inspiration engine out of the blue, or just after being tired cleaning, cooking, sweeping the floor...you know the overly underrated "house" duties I get so little credit for.


Hope to get some time today !!!

AG

What would be of our existence without music...at least mine!

If having no time is all that I'm left with...then, in the meantime, I'll post thoughts through music...through people that know how to put together feelings in a way I could never even get close, so I hope -if there's still somebody visiting this every now and then, you get to know this music genius named Damien Rice.

I'm just speechless when it comes to describe him...I went to his concert this past Monday, and I was blown away, he reinvents himself on stage in a way that almost puts his CDs to shame, and those are just magnificent...so go figure !

It might be a bit strident for some, to me...total genius !

Enjoy !

AG

Learning: does it always have to be the hard way?

I had planned to talk about fear, but an early event this morning had me thinking about the learning process, or is it adapting process or am I stepping into the changing process as well?

It all sounds overly complicated, but they are all intertwined and the whole process cannot be possible without applying them all. The saying goes like: "nobody learns from somebody else's experiences", which is true, but sometimes how many times something unpleasant has to happen to us till we decide it's time not to do it anymore or that we need to change our reaction towards that given situation in other to change the outcome?

Answer: I don't know...What can we do? Be drastic? Do we really need to lose the cool to get results? Why does it seem that we learn through regret...If I had the chance again...if I could I'd do it different this time around...If she/he was still here I'd be different...really? Is that so? What the hell don't we think straight at the very moment and realize that we don't know when this moment of regret will come, that we are here now, but in the blink of an eye we might not.

It is indeed a very apocalyptic take on the matter, but that's life, we should not go by it thinking it will last forever, and we'll have thousand years to apologize to our loved ones for some hurt caused. I have totally digress, or maybe not...I basically applying learning to relationships, when we are in corrupted relationships, the whole process of learning loses perspective, and then we are just trapped in deteriorated circles where the way out is sometimes -or maybe for some- to hard to find. So of course, for beginners the trick is not to let it become corroded, but what with the damaged deals, don't we have a chance?

When enough is enough? Which is that defining moment that marks the turning point, does it always have to be a dramatic one? One where regret is all there's left?

Do people change? Can we really adapt? In relationships how many times you need to be reminded of something before you actually realize that what you are doing or the behavior you are opting is causing damage, is it really too difficult to seat down and just digest that it is wrong, it affects your other "half", and it needs to go away in other for the relationship to evolve?? If something is bad it doesn't mean it needs to be bad forever, I believe things can change, but I guess the other person needs to believe that as well, otherwise fuck the learning, fuck the change, and fuck the relationship !

We are all about evolution, and even our relationships at all levels need to evolve, but we need to learn how to adapt and change in a good way for those to grow at the same time that we grow and want and mainly need different things.

Herewith a little note, and Coming up: "It's all about fear..."

I apologize for having asked for comments...guess it was a misunderstanding of the blog usage. In the end it's true you write and so it goes, the writer never gets replies back, only in the form of reviews or word of mouth later.

If you feel like it please feel free to comment about it, if not I hope you have read anyways and enjoyed it =)

I need to get better, I got the flu =(

Granted: It might be a little bit of both

I'm back ! This topic about luck has been going around in mind for quite some time now, but it has been difficult for me to put it together due to the controversy it unleashes in my own mind.

I'm going to quote a little fragment of Woody Allen's Match Point in here: "The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net, and for a split second, it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck, it goes forward, and you win. Or maybe it doesn't, and you lose."

I'm a full supporter of this, I do think that luck is what you need to mainly success in life at all levels, of course, you need to put a bit of your effort, but in general if you have luck you are done ! But then again, I was discussing this with two friends (M&M) of mine, and they were both supporters that it's not luck to blame for success, it mostly lies in the choices people make. So, after thinking about this for awhile, I cannot deny the fact that, in a way this is true, some people have the bold courage in taking decisions that lead them to what we can randomly call luck..."she was so lucky in finding that husband", for example, but maybe the reason behind that is, that she tossed wrong candidates before, leading her to her "good choice", what to others that might be luck.

But if we give 100% to choices, then what makes some people always pick up the wrong ones, and for others always or most of the times the good ones? Is it that they are smarter? Are they clairvoyants? Better judgment? Or was it my friend luck behind all of that? Were they born with a good star as the saying says?

I've seen people far from being suitable for job positions, yet they are there, and sometimes with no other qualification that being "well gifted"; I've seen terrible women with great men and vice versa, sometimes they don't even have to choose, things get to them easily, on the other hand, I've witness good, more than appropriate workers for certain positions, don't getting what they deserve, good women with horrible men. I can say for the latter that it might be a matter of a bad choice, but let's say a woman is married to a cheater, and decides to leave him, that is already a fine choice, right? But then some of them stay alone, and don't find somebody else again, although they can go out and do their best to find somebody new; therefore I have to acknowledge is a matter of both good choices + luck, right?

As much as I grant a lot of value to the choices people make, and I admire a lot those who aren't afraid, and just go for it, which makes them already deserving of the best, I have to say that to me the equation goes like this: be good at what you do, if you're the best at that it doesn't hurt, be at the right place at the right time and with a bit of luck you're really done!

Watch this 45 seconds.


AG

Greener on the other side...really?

Past midnight, guess I could finally find some time to write…so much for having my topic posted by afternoon!

The saying goes “the grass is always greener on the other side”, and unfortunately there are people, me among them, who support this far more than we should.

Me, for example, each time I see another couple I tend to notice the good things the male significant other does, and how by far their relationship seems to or looks much better than mine…at least in the outside. I have become so frustrated sometimes, that I even focus on what the female partner does wrong, that I don’t (do), and how that doesn’t affect at all the affection they receive from the other person, and for me it doesn’t work the same way… Isn’t this sick?

I guess it is, and although some might go too quickly in classifying this as a mere act of enviousness, I tend to think we all, in one way or another, gravitate toward the belief that our pain is greater than the one suffered by others, or that other people’s situation is better just because they have a better standard of living, better cars, wives, husbands, salaries, you name it.

Yes, just right now, most of you reading this must be thinking “ I have never thought that…ever!” , “I’m not that mean-spirited”, and that’ll be great, but I know a lot of people who might deny this, but deep inside they know, they have thought about this at least once. Don’t get me wrong, I only think about this when it comes to relationships, I couldn’t care less about other people’s material stuff - and that my friends know it’s true-, I’m talking here about a general thought that can encompass a broad amount of subjects.

For instance, there’re those who think that just because you live in Belgium, London, Germany, wherever different from Venezuela (my country), you are simply better than them, without taking in consideration, that for whatever reason that might as well not be the case.

Well, the reality is that, no matter how dandy other people’s lives are, when you look at your own and think how shitty it is in comparison, look closer and start noticing the good in it compared to those who have even less than you do, and you’ll start appreciating and focusing on that, instead of wasting time in lamenting what you lack of…believe me, there is always somebody out there in a worst situation than yours.

For starters, don't take for granted your health, you don't want to know about having issues with it, always remember that without it, there's nothing, and I mean nothing !

As for me, I’m reaching for my better judgment and good sense whenever those pervasive thoughts about "better couples" come to my mind, first and foremost because that only makes the distance from what you have and what you expect much further, almost unattainable, and because we are all different, and there’s good and bad in all of us, so there’s no real point in comparing.

I do think, on the other hand, that we can learn from the people and situations around us, and pick up what we think is positive in them, giving us a rounder sense of being, providing a different perspective and opening our thinking and eyes to become day by day a better person.

This will be it for now, I guess the end leads me to my next post which will be “To change or not to change” …

Comments more than welcome as usual =)

As ET said it…”Be good”

AG

Oh boy...since I was fired, contrary to popular belief, I haven't had the time to write anything !

House, baby, baby, house...

Coming up "Greener on the other side? Really?" ...that'll be the tittle to my next topic, will do my best to have it done by this afternoon.

AG

On getting fired

I am not feeling particularly inspired today, but I do want to get into the habit of posting something daily or at least every other day; otherwise the few people who –I hope- will visit the site will stop doing it if there’s nothing new in days…isn’t that how these things work?

On the other hand, given yesterday’s events is not like I don’t have material to write about…yesterday, once again, for the third time in a row, I was fired; for my own comfort, it was under the same circumstances as the previous occasions…cause: downsizing, in a meeting room: full, with all my colleagues receiving the same news. Not that this makes things easier on anybody, but at least you know it was not purely based on your performance, or lack of it.

I have this brainstorming going on in my mind about the amount of importance people tend to give to their jobs, how much of their lives is dedicated to it, neglecting some of the things that really matter in life…or am I going to far in generalizing what the priorities for everybody should be, and my values are truer and more significant than those who find absolute reward in their jobs? Nope...not by any means.

I don’t want to sound self-righteous, this is just my insight on how I see the “corporate world”; the “great team”, “you are doing brilliant”, “keep on the good work”, among so many other memorable one-liners.

Don’t fool yourself, no matter how important your position is, how good you are at what you do, nobody is irreplaceable, it might sound harsh, but nobody said the truth was always nice to hear…Think about it this way, if you don’t go to work tomorrow, the company will not fall apart, they will manage to find somebody who’ll take over your daily tasks. Am I saying this because I’m bitter about getting fired? Absolutely not, those who know me (me referring to the eternal cynic), know it’s been a longtime since I think this way, which is why I always took my job very lightly. Not that I was a reckless employee, of course not, if your job is your bread and butter, you must at least be true to yourself , have some ethic and be responsible, but not to the extent where you sacrifice your family, or any aspects of your life over your job, that’s where I see –unfortunately- so many people go wrong.

I’ll take my ex-boss as an example, a lady so dedicated, doing extra hours all the time, never –and I mean NEVER- taking one day off sick, in three years I was there, focusing insanely in, what I considered meaningless, details. She kept all documents read-only, fearing people would mess them, and just in the blink of an eye, after thirteen years, she gets a kick on the but, nice working with you hand shake.

Today, who cares about those documents? Who cares about her dedication, about her constancy…can you believe she even halted her holidays once, just because our boss from London was going to come to Brussels?? How crazy is that? he didn’t even talk to her!!!

Don't get me wrong it's a great achievement in life what you can do professionally, but perspective is everything; being there for your family, for yourself, and not always postpone it, because you have "too much work" ... at least to me, those are the things you take with you at the end of your life, not an important job title or having been in a room full of guys talking about projects and making them sound better than life, when it's pure blah blah.

Well, as I always say, if that makes them happy…so be it; and of course not everybody, thankfully, has to go through this less than comfortable experience, some people do manage to start in one company and be there forever and a day, until their retirement.

There are two scenes from two different movies, that I always think of when trying to explain people my stand in this subject matter; they are Jerry Maguire and About Schmidt, the first when Jerry gives his speech in front of the whole office, after being fired, with “fish” on his hand, and how people just kept on working as usual the second he stepped inside the elevator. The later, when Jack Nicholson is explaining the new manager, a young graduate, that he is leaving in a box all the documentation about the things he did and implemented so he could take it from there, now that he was retiring, and when he (Jack) leaves the room, the new manager just asks his secretary to throw it into the bin. In a nutshell, as we were told yesterday “the show must go on” =)

I don’t want to be a zealot here, and actually I am realizing now, that my ideas today might sound too trite and commonplace …so bottom line, excesses are never good, n e v e r; so just keep perspective in life, and don’t give much importance to things that are not worth of it, it’s your life and the people you love and who love you, the ones at stake.

Comments will be highly appreciated, and thanks for the posted ones =))

AG

Thanks for sharing your first comment !!

Thanks Maie !! It's very nice, sort of rewarding indeed, to get comments on what one's written. When I went to yours I didn't even know how to post a comment ! And to think that just till yesterday I worked in IT, how ironic is that?!

Coming up my thoughts on getting fired...

Later,

AG

Guess I couldn’t have picked out a more uncomfortable place to take out a piece of paper and start writing this short intro to my blog, than a very overcrowded streetcar, where I can barely move my arms to put some scribbles together. But when you get inspired you just have to go with it, might have been Elliot Smith playing on my iPod…or maybe the great surroundings (people squashed like sardines) –laughs- but I just feel like writing right now.

Anyway, I’ve been a long critic of blogs, and so-called internet spaces - I must confess-, guess I’m a bit old school you know diaries and the like, (I wonder what my friend Maie must be thinking), but when you can barely manage to stretch some minutes of your time in to badly shave your legs, you know, then, that blogs and sharing internet spaces are out of the question. But…my apprehension towards this means of expression – for lack of a better definition- has been bending to something more positive, and after thinking about it for awhile I thought I could actually get some benefit out of it. In great part, my friend Maie was the one who sort of made me look at the “brighter” side of this thing called blogs, and how they serve just fine for those who like to write, to express their ideas and just get them out of their system, so to speak.

Does it mean that with blogs are we all writers? Certainly not. And I am not trying to come across as one in any way, shape or form. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here…I’d be like J.K Rowling making millions per book!...I am just a regular person, with a huge drive to put down in written my rambling thoughts – hence the name of my blog -, and what the heck… if not for a better reason than to vent myself I’ve decided to do this.

My thoughts are often triggered by personal events, things I see as an observer, life itself, and sometimes out of no reason at all…they just come out of the maze of my imagination. Will my friends read this? Will they find it interesting, amusing, helpful? I simply don’t know, I am not doing this targeting a specific audience or aiming anything other than my love for narratives. I hope, nonetheless, to get comments from people reading this, telling me they have either enjoyed it or even that they can relate to some of my posts or that they have laughed out of my absurdity…in the end I am here to please…NOT. (There you go for those who enjoyed Borat!)

My blog won’t be about me talking about things I’ve done on holidays with my family or friends, nothing along those lines. Not that I have anything against it, but it just ain’t my stuff; I might use something out of those experiences to start a topic, but the aim then, will be towards a narrative that can relate to a broaden audience than just to those involved in the situation itself.

I get easily carried away, so this will be it for my intro. Hope you have gotten to this very line…that will already mean a lot to this amateur.

AG