I want you back

I've been long thinking about writing again, I didn't want to do it here though; I know you can go anonymous and all, but still there's something scary about knowing that somebody can come here and read my deepest thoughts. I don't think I can even bring myself to write about those neither here or anywhere else, but anyway, I want to write back when I feel like it, and knowing I've been long forgotten by those who from time to time came to visit my blog, makes it easier for me to just write to the air, and let go to these thoughts from time to time.

I want my writing back, my ideas into written material. I want so many other things back as well...for instance my old self, or at least some aspects of it (some others thankfully have been so much improved). I want my inner joy back, I want to get rid of this anger, oh my this angst is just eating me up, and apparently there's not much I can do to control it, or at least for now.

I've always believed in writing as a therapy, same as crying, but I'm rooting more for the former, rather than spending hours crying to feel a bit better and being able to sleep after all the effort. Is just too painful for the body, all the sobbing and stuff, not to mention those post wrinkles that are sort of inevitable after those long hours of crying.

Writing seems much more rational - first-, and second much more fulfilling in some many ways.

I guess that'll be it for now. I'll talk about my angst, my accumulated hatred, why did I become like this? I don't want to blame anything but myself, because I shouldn't have let things or anybody affected me that much, but that's what I've been through. I hope it's not too late for me to look back, get to the root of this aching feeling, confront it and let it go, like a ghost.

Holding on to that thought till I feel like getting to that dark place.

Lovely sun today, I must say.